I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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