If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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