seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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