Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
