ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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