why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
