end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
