he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
