Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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