Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
