wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
