Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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