I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
