I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
