Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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