we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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