did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
