There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
