my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
