I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
