just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We're too hungover to prance.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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