I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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