After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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