just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
