I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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