You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
