That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just gift wrapped bread.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
