I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
