I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
