Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
