So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
