nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
