I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
