i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
