Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
