Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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