Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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