i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
