It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
