So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
