Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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