Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
