how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
