i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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