i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
