Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
