When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
