I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
