Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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