I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Panties = found
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